Vises

So I stop in to corporate to pay some respect, you know respect. A mean grinning Kulpa greets me at the welcome mat and my unnerved glance gets shifty and betrays me. He says, "Heyyyyyy, what's wrong you f in' mess!?" His eyes are spinning in his tilting unstable head, and his hands are held aloft and pinching themselves. "You should come by to see your Godfather more often", he threatens. What did I do? He says, "I got my eye on you you piece of shit." Then he slowly turns away from me and looks out the window. His hands go to his belt and in a quick and short jerking motion he pulls up his pants, then takes a deep breath pointing his chin upwards. I'm ready to piss myself. "You know what PTJ?", his voice rising steadily to a crescendo, "a guy could put himself in a spot sometimes by gettin' smart, get his head put in a vise cause he got smart!!!" There's this crazy look on his long face and his head tilts this way and that; suddenly he breaks into this big nut job grin, leans over and squeezes my shoulder. He looks into my wavering eyes and in a soft nasally voice says, "I like you in the blogosphere, I don't want you to wind up somewhere else." I assured him that I agreed, and he released me and moved back. A long awkward pause with a wiggling stare and bam! Kulpa violently claps his hands together and barks, "OK now get the f outa Corporate you f in' scumbag!" I was never so happy to get kicked out of a joint in my life.